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Divide or Conquer: How Great Teams Turn Conflict into Strength | 
 enlarge | Author: Diana Mclain Smith
Publisher: Portfolio Hardcover
Category: Book
List Price: $25.95
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Rating:  13 reviews
Sales Rank: 73754
Media: Hardcover
Edition: 1
Pages: 304
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.9
Dimensions (in): 9.2 x 6.1 x 1.3
ISBN: 1591842042
Dewey Decimal Number: 658.4022
EAN: 9781591842040
ASIN: 1591842042
Publication Date: May 29, 2008
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Shipping: Expedited shipping available
Condition: New Book. Fast Shipping. May have small remainder mark.
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Product Description
How relationships among leaders determine the success or failure of any organization
No one would dispute the idea that relationships matter in business. Yet despite their obvious importance, they remain largely a mystery. Why do some conflicts get resolved quickly while others lead to permanent animosity? Why do some relationships grow stronger over time, others more fragile?
Diana McLain Smith argues that most of us never even think about our relationships, at least not until they get into trouble and by then it may be too late. Convinced that others have attitude problems, we focus on getting them to change. But that never works; it just convinces our colleagues that we re the source of the problem. What we need to change, Smith argues, are the patterns of interaction between us.
Smith shows us how to build work relationships that are flexible and strong enough to survive the toughest challenges. She draws on fascinating case studies, especially the Steve Jobs/John Sculley meltdown, which nearly destroyed Apple in the 1980s.
This book will break the myth that relationships are too mysterious to decode and too difficult to change. It offers powerful tools that can help anyone, from new recruits to CEOs.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 8 more reviews...
 Hope October 3, 2008
Chantal Laurie
Divide or Conquer offers fascinating insights into inter-personal working relationships. The portion of the book which addresses the value in sometimes "manufacturing hope" in challenging and seemingly "hopeless" situations is insightful, honest, and powerful. The book forces the reader to self-reflect on their own management and leadership style and is incredibly thought provoking as it weaves in real stories to help the reader contextualize the learnings.
HAVING your relationships or being HAD by them? September 3, 2008
Linda B. Sweeney (Concord, MA USA)
Which sounds better to you? HAVING your relationships or being HAD by them?*
It might take a minute to think about this distinction, but I'd bet most of us would prefer the former. How do we gain perspective on the relationships we're in, particularly in business settings when bottom lines, bonuses and promotions are at stake? And if the relationship aren't working, how do we improve them, while preserving our dignity and our job?
In her book, "Divide or Conquer: How Great Teams Turn Conflict into Strength", Smith shows us how to look below the surface, to see the underlying patterns of our relationships and eventually, to transform them. The key though, is first to put the relationship patterns on the table. As Smith so aptly puts it: "To change the game, you have to see the game." And this is where "Divide or Conquer" hits a home run, especially for the visual thinkers among us. The book is filled with diagrams, cartoons, systems maps, and charts that make "relationships" -- a topic that some may think of as soft and abstract -- tangible and practical.
To top it off, Smith has the unusual combination of academic rigor, profound insight (based on years of hands-on experience) and a killer sense of humor.
Highly recommended for anyone who wants to strengthen relationships, at work, or in any setting.
Linda Booth Sweeney
(*Thank you, Bob Kegan).
Hands Down to a World-classed Practitioner! July 9, 2008
Birdview (Hong Kong)
3 out of 3 found this review helpful
When I first got this book on hand, there was only one review in the Amazon.com. And when I finished the book, and wanting to write my comment on it, it already goes to nine (reviews)! And this is only one month's time. And I must say the responds to this book haven't surprised me. It deserves a full-hall stand-up applause.
I have heard about Smith's name for quite a while, mainly from the field of organizational learning, which her mentors Chris Argyris and Donald Schoen are both big names in that field. Since I am a big fans to Argyris and Schoen's work, and since I live from quite a remoted place (another side of the globe), the easiest and the most accessable way to know about these masters' work is through their writings. However, Argyris and Schoen's work is never easy to penetrate, frustrated but not deterred by the difficulty, I started to cash after their disciples' work, which includes Roger Schwarz, Peter Block and etc, all are very good works indeed. Nevertheless, no one previous work is quite like Smith's new book.
Though there were so many writings written on Argyrian intervention. The sad thing, however, is, there's a group of very VERY good consultants in Action Design (google it, please), which by now they are the one whom most live-up to Arygris and Schoen's spirit, they rarely write. Maybe because the work is so embedded in actions, and maybe they knew clearly that it is never easy to convey the practice, on paper.
And at one time, I stumbled on Diana's "A Reflection on Donald Schoen" (after the death of Donald Schoen), it was such a poetic piece, and indeed very beautifully written. And at that time, I am waiting for her work, really on her own, to get published. I didn't know when, I even didn't know if she had such plan, but that was really my wish, to see her work appears in this planet. And after reading Divide Or Conquer, I must say this is far better than I could imagine.
Interestingly, this book is one of my slowest reads. I read, I stop, I contemplate (on how the scene happened), I hold my breath, and I sigh, occasionally. Every word tells, is what I can say. If Action Science is such a tacit knowledge, such that practitioners know more than they can tell, then I think Smith has stretched the limit of `telling' to a new dimension. I guess, and could only guess, that her strategy to use a lot of narratives is a key to convey the message through the media, which usually would drained away by other ways of informing (like, writing in a third-person stance). Smith has put all the gems in those stories, and make it highly readable, and with a lot of funs and humors.
The whole book is nearly jargon-free, and Smith particularly picked Steve Jobs and John Sculley's story to set the stage, which she immediately showed her sophisticated ability to narrate, to analysis, and to pin to the heart that not many of us willing to and have enough practice to discuss: how key relationship turns bad, really bad.
Though the whole book is full of dialogues and stories, it still maintains a balance to give a very useful and actionable structure for serious practitioners to follow, and try out the similar intervention. I vow to follow and to practice on this structure. And I must say, it's not quite like Argyris, or I would say, it's beyond Argyris.
I once read Bob Putnam's (of Action Design) commented on the possible breakdown of applying action science, and he said, when it deals with the `relationship structure,' it is not quite useful to continue to use that knowledge. But I was hanging out there, until I read Divide Or Conquer, I start to know what relationship structure really means, and how to get out that kind of mug. It's definitely 30 years of practice in one shot. I bet this is not quite possible for one whom didn't gone through David Kantor, Donald Schoen, Chris Argyris, and of course, Bruce Patten and Roger Fisher (all are the best practitioners in their own field), one couldn't possibly wrote a book like this.
I doubt that if this book could change the world, as our world is now in such a deep trouble. Nevertheless, I am quite sure, and have high hope that, this book could definitely transform a lot of relationships, and makes our live more appreciative and meaningful, including mine, hopefully.
Not the same old stuff July 8, 2008
Douglas Stone (Cambridge, MA USA)
I'm burned out on business books at the moment, but Smith's book is different -- non-intuitive insights, distinctions that help you resolve complexity into useful patterns, ways of seeing and acting differently. And then there's the author's mischievous sense of fun. Who else quotes Woody Allen, Marvin Gaye, and David Foster Wallace (twice!) in a business book?
Breaking the cycle of destructive relationships... July 7, 2008
Thomas Duff (Portland, OR United States)
Divide Or Conquer: How Great Teams Turn Conflict Into Strength by Diana McLain Smith opened my eyes as to why business and personal relationships can start out so strong and then seemingly self-destruct for "no reason". Once you understand the structure and pattern of this event, you can start to take steps to correct it.
Contents:
Part 1 - Understanding Relationships: The Life and Death of a Relationship; The Anatomy of a Relationship; The Key to Resilience
Part 2 - Transforming Relationships: Disrupting Patterns of Interaction; Reframe How You See Each Other; Revise What You "Know" to Be True
Part 3 - Making Change Practical: Focus the Change Effort; Choose the Right Strategy; Motivate Change
Part 4 - Relational Sensibilities: Sensibilities for a Change;
Appendices: Appendix A - A Thinking Person's Guide to Behavioral Repertoires; Appendix B - The Ladder of Reflection
Acknowledgments; Notes; Bibliography; Illustration Credits; Index
The problem makes sense once you have it pointed out to you... It's a circular pattern of "how X acts, how Y frames things, how Y acts, how X frames things." The author uses John Scully and Steve Jobs as a prime example of this. When they both met each other and started out, they unconsciously chose to see only the parts of their personalities that they were focused on bringing into the partnership. Scully had the professionalism that Jobs needed and wanted, while Jobs had the enthusiasm that Scully admired. But as time went on, these same traits started to be perceived differently. Scully was acting as the coach and mentor, making exceptions for Jobs' failures. Jobs saw Scully as an indulgent father figure who was to pleased. Jobs then acted like the spoiled child, begging forgiveness to get back in Scully's good graces, but never making permanent changes. Scully was framing Jobs as the prince/king of Apple, and felt he had to maintain discipline. Over a relatively short period of time, this cycle led to Scully's failure and ouster from Apple as Jobs consolidated power and left Scully out of the loop.
Using a more down-to-earth scenario, she then takes you through this same type of spiral and shows how the simple act of stepping back, acknowledging there are other forces at play, and then asking how the other person is really feeling can bring the spiral to an abrupt halt. Once both parties understand the loop they've gotten themselves into, as well as the false assumptions they're making, then they can both choose to approach the relationship from a point of reality instead of assumptions.
Granted, this isn't an easy "do this, this, and this" process, and both sides have to be willing to open up and be vulnerable. But if you're dealing with a number of poisoned relationships at your job, Divide Or Conquer could be the first step to regaining control.
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